JUNE 2024


rs=w_400,cg_true (87)

Living With Pride

The Murrays Exemplify Inclusivity

Danielle and Hank Murray truly exemplify the spirit of inclusivity, living every day with love, acceptance and support. Danielle grew up in Westwood and shares her story of what it was like to be different as she went through school. It wasn’t always fun. Meanwhile, she and her son, Hank, have experienced a changing of the tide and are extremely proud to be living in Westwood, with Danielle continuing her work as an LGBTQ+ advocate. Their inspiring story highlights our June issue.

By Tom Leyden
Photo By: Rick Bern Photography

“We have a little bit of everything,” said Danielle Murray as she regaled me with some of the work she’s done in Westwood focused on family diversity. “Multi-generational families? Yeah, that’s like us. Family with trans-members? Yeah, that’s like us. Adoptive families? Yeah, that’s like us. Families with gay people? Yeah, that’s like us.”
 
Communities are sometimes described as a melting pot, but the Murray family, in and of itself, is a uniquely scrambled cornucopia of diversity. Danielle can understand and empathize with any family dynamic because she’s experienced most of them first-hand.
 
“Sometimes it sounds like I’m lying, but I’m not. This is really who we are, and we’ve had some good reception.”
 
When you flash back to the late 80s and early 90s, that wasn’t necessarily the case for a teenage Danielle, discovering her personality and sexuality during a time when acceptance and understanding were at a low.
 
“We lived on Lakeshore Drive for the first 14 years of my life, and my challenges were trying to navigate my peers,” she said. “I found Westwood a challenging place if you didn’t fit the mold. I was definitely on the nerdy side of things in school. I loved to read. I had great teachers. I had a great time in school with the academic piece. When I got to middle school and I was figuring some things out about myself, I found it a little bit more isolating.”
 
Danielle’s parents, Patricia and Michael, set the tone at home, providing a loving haven of acceptance and inclusivity.
 
“My husband and I dated since I was 16,” said Patricia. “We always talked about the fact we were going to adopt. We knew that’s what we were going to do if we got married. It was the 70s. That’s the time it was and we said we’re going to do it.”
 
Many years after Danielle and her younger brother, Eric, were born, Patricia and Michael stayed true to the vision, adopting two children, Llewellyn and Janine, to complete their family of six. Llewellyn has since transitioned and identifies as a transgender male.
 
Danielle’s feelings of isolation during middle school prompted her to approach her parents about making a change.
 
“There were definitely some peers that were not as kind at Thurston,” said Danielle. “I saw myself as a quirky, nerdy kid and didn’t see other people like myself there, so I told my parents I needed to go somewhere else for high school. I applied to Nobles and Greenough and I just loved it – lots of artsy kids. It was a school where you could just totally be a nerd and not be athletic and that was totally okay.”
 
Four years later, Danielle headed to Boston College, where she navigated her way to bachelor’s and master’s degrees in education while truly discovering herself and assisting many of her peers as they explored and became more comfortable with themselves.
 
“I came out when I was 19,” said Danielle. “In my mind, being gay was a really isolating thing, and I loved people. I was really outgoing and friendly and I felt like I could either be like that or be gay. I don’t want to be isolated. I don’t want to be lonely. It took me being a little bit older and meeting people who were gay to realize it’s not an either/or thing. You can be out and be happy.”
 
Despite how close Patricia was to her daughter, she was surprised when Danielle came out and told her.
 
“I was shocked when she came out because I felt terrible that I had missed it,” said Patricia. “We did a lot of things together and when she came out, I thought, ‘How did I miss this?’ My husband seemed to know and my son told me he ‘figured,’ and I was like, ‘How did you figure that?’
 
“She dated guys. She went to proms. So, there was just this shock of how I could have been so close and been so far off?”
 
“I knew my family would be accepting,” said Danielle. “But I was concerned they would be worried for my safety. The mid-nineties wasn’t always the easiest time and I’m sure they thought this life would be challenging to navigate, but their love was always unconditional.”
 
“You have to think about what’s the important thing in the end and that’s your relationship with your kids,” said Patricia. “That’s all I can say.”
 
Danielle became incredibly engaged in the LGBTQ community at Boston College, joining what was then known as the LGBC and starting her journey as an activist for equal rights.
 
“My passion to help people definitely started at BC,” said Danielle. “I worked with students who were coming out and navigating some challenging family situations, roommate situations and an environment that wasn’t always super open. Sometimes, I would drive to different towns to meet kids who wanted to talk because they were afraid to do it on campus because I was visibly out on campus.”
 
After earning her Master’s of Education, Danielle began her career as a teacher in the Boston public school system, continuing her commitment to LGBTQ issues and ultimately advancing the cause of the Gender and Sexuality Alliance (GSA).
 
“I thought I’d wait until I had a few years under my belt, but a few students approached me and asked if I was gay. When they realized I was an advocate, they asked to start this group and since I didn’t know a lot about it, we were kind of learning together. That’s what solidified my commitment to really looking at issues surrounding LGBTQ youth.”
 
Danielle is currently an Assistant Head of School at Boston Latin School.
 
Always one to push the agenda forward and be a trendsetter, Danielle and her former wife were the 12th gay couple to be legally married in the United States, in 2001. From their marriage came a son, Hank, who is now a sophomore at Westwood High School.
 
If you’ve met Hank, it’s likely you love Hank. He’s outgoing, charming, engaging, funny, talented and sincere. Whether playing the trumpet, acting on stage or delivering keynote speeches, as he did when the WHS Class of 2026 finished eighth grade, Hank grabs your attention and leaves an impression.
 
“I came home from kindergarten and told Mom, ‘They said it’s not possible that I don’t have a dad.’ And I said, ‘Obviously it IS possible, ‘cause here I am and I don’t have a dad.”
 
Hank has embraced the only reality he’s ever known from the outset. He loves to engage with people, outgoing and comfortable in almost any situation.
 
“All my mom’s friends were LGBTQ,” said Hank. “I had one or two friends whose parents were LGBTQ, so it took awhile for me to realize that my experience was different from most other kids, and I was very enthusiastic to share that experience with friends.
 
“His teachers were great,” said Danielle about Hank’s journey through Martha Jones. “They always reached out around Father’s Day and wondered what they should do. Hank has lots of guys in his life that are important to him, so he would make cards for them.” It wasn’t elementary school that worried Danielle – it was the jump to Thurston, where just a generation earlier, her experience wasn’t positive. To that end, she got a front row seat to observe how Westwood has changed in the last thirty years.
 
“Having him apply to Nobles was a stress response for me,” she said. “He was really taking the admissions test for me, and just before we went, it became clear Hank was enjoying his experience at Thurston – so why bother? There’s been a big evolution in the town. This was right around the time that Inclusive Westwood was starting and I was hearing more and more that we weren’t the only LGBTQ family in town.”
 
Hank continued to thrive at Thurston and has carried that success to Westwood High School. He recently played the role of Eli Whitney in “Anything Goes” and has become a mainstay in the Westwood Stage program. He also enjoys singing and doesn’t hide his own preferences.
 
“By the time I was in fifth grade, I could point to something and say, ‘That’s what I’m not,’” said Hank. “I knew I wasn’t straight, but I knew I wasn’t completely gay, either. I identified as pansexual, which is attracted to any gender, regardless of gender.”
 
The support of his family was a given, and the majority of Hank’s friends and peers were always in his corner, but life hasn’t come without some detractors and challenges.
 
“I never wanted to hide anything because that felt like just giving up and letting the bullies win,” he said. “So, yeah, I never made a public announcement, but I’ve never hidden it from anyone and I’ve never lied to anybody.”
 
Watching Danielle carry the torch across the country as an advocate for LGBTQ issues has certainly left an indelible impression on Hank, and thousands of others. She has worked extensively on the national advisory board for GLSEN, an American education organization working to end discrimination, harassment and bullying based on sexual orientation. She was on the Governor’s Commission for LGBTQ youth and the Legislative Commission for LGBTQ youth as it evolved. She oversees training across the country as part of the Human Rights Campaign “Welcoming Schools” program, and is scheduled to travel to San Francisco in August.
 
Some of what she’s taught nationally, Danielle has shared with Westwood school system, as well.
 
“It’s been an amazing opportunity,” said Danielle. “Even at Martha Jones. I spent so much time there as a student, as a sibling and a mom, so to share my expertise in this capacity has been pretty amazing, and people have been great.”
 
While acceptance has improved greatly since Danielle was a middle schooler, there’s more to do and goals to set.
 
“I’m encouraged by it, but there’s still a lot to go,” said Patricia, as a mom would lovingly remind her child. “I think we’re seeing a lot of progress, but we’re not seeing as much as we need to see. When Danielle came out, I didn’t know a parent of another gay kid. I was a teacher, and I just told everybody, ‘This is it. My daughter is gay.’ After I said that, another teacher stopped me and said, ‘My son is gay, too. I don’t know how to do that. I wish I could just say ‘My son is gay.’
 
“I told her, ‘Well, you just have to take that step and say it, and then move on from there.”
 
The first step is always the most important. Danielle, Hank and Patricia have taken millions of steps forward driven by their strong beliefs, magnetic personalities and commitment to social justice. We appreciate their willingness to proudly share their story with us.

The Murrays: Rick Bern Photography

Latest Articles

Football Coverage, presented by APR Physical Therapy: Wolverines Break Through, Now It’s Rivalry Week at Norwood | Inside The Huddle

Tyquan Thornton’s Gruesome Ankle Injury and The Rehab Ahead | The Rehab Report

Magical Night: Westwood Unified Team Knocks Off Westwood Police Department

Luminary Night Comes Early This Year: Light Up Westwood on November 1

Girls Soccer Coverage, presented by Revival Wellness Studio: Another Clean Sheet for Bertone as Westwood Earns Draw with Millis

Boys Soccer Coverage, presented by 18|8 Fine Men’s Salon: Stamatakos Scores as Westwood Wins Second Straight

Volleyball Coverage, presented by ARCH Orthodontics: Westwood Falls to Undefeated Bellingham

PODCAST: Keeping the Big Picture in Focus | Aaron Buczek of North Atlantic Investment Partners

Scouts Incorporates “Firsts”

Volleyball Coverage, presented by ARCH Orthodontics: Barkley Named Player of Game as Wolverines Fall To Canton

Recent Issues

SEPTEMBER 2026

AUGUST 2026

JULY 2026

JUNE 2026

MAY 2026

APRIL 2026

MARCH 2026

FEBRUARY 2026

JANUARY 2026

DECEMBER 2025

Calendar of Events

What's Happening Around Westwood?

Click the button below for a list of events happening around our town. 

If you have events you would like added to the calendar, please submit them: tleyden@bestversionmedia.com or dianabezdedeanu@bestversionmedia.com

Support Our Sponsors

Please visit and support the businesses you see featured on these pages. Westwood Living is sponsor-supported and free to residents each month. Without our sponsors and advertisers, this publication would not exist, so if you like what you see, keep that in mind when making your decisions. I'm very grateful for the support of our sponsors.

postcast-graphic
WESTWOOD LIVING
PODCAST NETWORK

Learn more about the people and businesses in Westwood as Tom Leyden hosts a series of one-on-one conversations.

feature-img-graphic-1

WANT MORE? SUBSCRIBE TO WESTWOOD LIVING

Free to Westwood Residents

Click the button below and include your full name and mailing address

From out of town?

Subscribe to Westwood Living and have our hometown magazine shipped directly to your mailbox. Each issue costs $2.00 and the subscription is billed annually for $24.

Click the button below to get started.

Westwood Living Sunset Party - May 14 at Hale Education

vanderbiltclub-logo
COVER STORY - PRESENTED BY THE VANDERBILT CLUB

Setting the fitness standard for decades. Stop by anytime. Your first visit is on us! No joining fee. No annual fee. Cancel anytime with a 30-day written notice.

45 Vanderbilt Avenue, Norwood, MA - 781-769-2340